You’ll Get There (Eventually)

Listen to Episode 4 now: https://goo.gl/ex2meV

mansion

Lately, I’ve made the idiotic mistake of comparing my life to those of people my age. Just this week, I was scrolling through photos one of my followers posted of him in Dubai and Barcelona. I looked to my mom and said, “Wow, I need to get my life. I’m trying to be like him.” My mom responded, “Christina, you don’t know what he did to get there.”

I feel like young adults these days are in such a rush to have it all figured out. This is greatly influenced by the media. But it’s also about the society we live in. Everything seems to be moving around us at the speed of light. When things don’t happen for us quickly, we get discouraged.

This mindset that we need to make six figures by 25 and have the white picket fence by 30 is “delusional” as my mother says. Oprah was told by her first boss that she “wasn’t right for television”. Nick Foles, the backup quarterback that everyone doubted, led the Philadelphia Eagles to a Super Bowl victory.

It’s time to get real. It’s okay to want it all. But maybe we don’t have to have it all right now. So what do we do in the meantime? Pray to God to send us a blessing? Twiddle our thumbs and wait? Listen to episode 4 of the Young, Black, and Opinionated podcast for advice from me and my special guest, my mom! Episode 4 is now available on Spreaker, Google Play, and iTunes. Send your topic ideas and feedback to Info@TheYBOPodcast.com

About the Podcast

Summary: Born from the Young, Black, and Opinionated blog, the YBO podcast is for the culture! Christina Royster doesn’t hold anything back with her down-to-earth, brutally honest opinions on everything from social issues to entertainment. Pour another drink because your favorite Black girl next door is about to get real.

Episode 4: You’ll Get There Eventually

Episode Overview: On this episode of YBO, Christina and her mom, Diane Timberlake, put y’all on to some cool TV dramas, ask what’s the rush to have life all figured out, and decide if one former stud is “Dope or Nope”.

Follow Christina Royster on Instagram: @misschrisdee

Follow Christina Royster on Twitter: @cdroyster

Follow Diane Timberlake on Instagram: @dtim70

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What Do You Bring to the Table?

Listen to Episode 3 now: https://goo.gl/uJxPPq

bad_date

On the list of top 10 worst feelings in the world is getting stood up for a date. Okay, it’s not as bad as losing your debit card or getting a flat tire, but it’s pretty embarrassing. You got all dressed up and brought your A-game to the dinner table. Your date didn’t even bother to show up. Now you’re eating breadsticks by yourself.

There are a lot of people out there who are ready to date. They’ve taken the time to figure themselves out, they know what they want, and they don’t need to brag about their six figure salary because they bring so much more to the dating table. Then there are losers like the date that stood you up. He or she did you a favor by not showing face because they would have showed up empty handed with stale conversation and the personality of a cardboard box.

After a couple of heartbreaks, I used to cry “men aren’t shit”. Then I wrote It’s Not Him, It’s You which made me ask myself, “Am I shit?” Would I want to date me? What do I bring to the dating table?

Are you ready to ask yourself the same? Listen to Episode 3 of the Young, Black, and Opinionated podcast so we can figure it out together. Episode 3 is now available on Spreaker, SoundCloud, and iTunes. Send your topic ideas and feedback to Info@TheYBOPodcast.com

About the Podcast

Summary: Born from the Young, Black, and Opinionated blog, the YBO podcast is for the culture! Christina Royster doesn’t hold anything back with her down-to-earth, brutally honest opinions on everything from social issues to entertainment. Pour another drink because your favorite Black girl next door is about to get real.

Episode 3: You Gotta Bring a Dish to This Table

Episode Overview: On this episode of YBO, Christina and her guest, Nija Lomax, put y’all on to the best cities to live in, call out men and women who show up empty handed to the dating table, and decide if jungle juice at 2pm is “Dope or Nope”.

Mentioned in this Episode:

blackgirlsareeasy.com

16personalities.com

5lovelanguages.com

Follow Christina Royster on Instagram: @misschrisdee

Follow Christina Royster on Twitter: @cdroyster

Follow Nija Lomax on Instagram: @imvvn_

Kiss My Assimilation

Listen to Episode 2 now:https://goo.gl/ZT1Tdi

why-are-you-trying-so-hard-to-fit-in-when-you-were-born-to-stand-out

I was born and raised in Gary, IN until the age of 10. My family moved to New Jersey in the middle of my fifth grade year and I got the biggest culture shock of my life. Growing up in Marlton, NJ, I was often the only Black kid amongst the group. In class, in the play, on the softball field, I stood out like a sore thumb. Amongst my friends, I was the token. And I was okay with that because I had decided in the sixth grade that if I couldn’t beat them, I would join them.

I started begging my mom to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch when I had never even heard of the brand before. I became a slave to the flat iron, obsessed with getting my hair bone straight. Worst of all, I developed body image issues because all my white friends were size 6 and as an African American teenage girl, I had developed curves that I considered fat when compared to my white friends.

Now, at the age of 22, I’m comfortable in my own skin. I’m no longer desperate to assimilate. How did I get to this point? Listen to Episode 2 of the Young, Black, and Opinionated podcast to find out! Now available on ZenCast, SoundCloud, iTunes, and Google Play. Send your topic ideas and feedback to Info@TheYBOPodcast.com

About the Podcast

Summary: Born from the Young, Black, and Opinionated blog, the YBO podcast is for the culture! Christina Royster doesn’t hold anything back with her down-to-earth, brutally honest opinions on everything from social issues to entertainment. Pour another drink because your favorite Black girl next door is about to get real.

Episode 2: Kiss My Assimilation

Episode Overview: On this episode of YBO, Christina shares how she went from “Krusty” to “woke”, reminds us that we’re “still n*gga”, and announces her “You’re Canceled” of the week.

Mentioned in this Episode:

We’re Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union

‘The Bachelorette’ May Have a Black Star, But It’s Still Set In A White World by Eric Deggans for NPR

Dear White People

The YBO Podcast

Listen to Episode 1 now: https://goo.gl/ZT1Tdi

Happy 2018!

I am very pleased to announce that my blog, Young, Black, and Opinionated, is now a podcast! Two years ago, I didn’t even know what a podcast was. Now I’m subscribed to too many to count and have started my own. It’s amazing what can come from hard work and determination.

So many people have told me I have “a voice for radio” and should start a podcast or YouTube channel. I envisioned myself doing it. I knew I could do it. I knew if I did it, I would rock it. But I put it off for a while. I held myself back. I wasn’t willing to put in the work to be honest. At the end of 2017, I promised myself I was going to finally do the damn thing. I set my mind on a goal and I fulfilled it. Now, you can listen to my first episode on ZenCast, SoundCloud, iTunes, and Google Play. You can also send your topic ideas and feedback to Info@TheYBOPodcast.com

YBO_Logo

Mostly everything I post on this blog from here on out will be directing you to my 40-something minute episodes of me (or me and a guest) deep diving into topics like relationships, politics, and everything in between. If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog for the past 2 years, you’re going to love the content on my podcast even more.

Thank you to my producer, The Digital Discovery Network. Check out The Young Adults and Adult-ish podcasts, also produced by DDN. Thank you to my friends, family, and followers. With the launch of the Young, Black, and Opinionated podcast, 2018 is off to an amazing start.

About the Podcast

Summary: Born from the Young, Black, and Opinionated blog, the YBO podcast is for the culture! Christina Royster doesn’t hold anything back with her down-to-earth, brutally honest opinions on everything from social issues to entertainment. Pour another drink because your favorite Black girl next door is about to get real.

Episode 1: I’m Skipping Through Your Story FYI

Episode OverviewOn this episode of YBO, Christina and her guest, Kesheal Henderson, put y’all on to the girl next door, call out their most annoying followers, reveal their social media stalking tactics, and decide if sharing your boo online is “Dope or Nope”.

Mentioned in this episode:

cdrdesigns.com

@catcallsofnyc

@dezaffiliated

Follow Christina Royster on Instagram: @misschrisdee

Follow Christina Royster on Twitter: @cdroyster

Follow Kesheal Henderson on Instagram: @kesha_196

Rewind: Top 10 of 2017

2017_Recap.jpg

I honestly thought the apocalypse was going to happen this year.

But aside from the shitty country/world around me, 2017 wasn’t such a bad year for me. I went to Cancun, received my Bachelor of Arts, went to Jamaica, started my first job out of college, got broken up with via email (a lesson/blessing that must be mentioned), was on a radio show, and picked up this awesome gym habit.

Although 2017 will probably be viewed as a glass-half-empty year for most, I somehow managed to think of 10 things that made me laugh, smile, or inspired me this year.

  1. “DoItLookLikeImLeftOffBadAndBoujee”

The awkward interview as I like to call it. Things went left when Joe Budden caught an attitude during the Everyday Struggle’s interview of Migos on the BET Awards red carpet. Why did Akademiks even bring Takeoff up?? Quavo’s no nonsense “wrap it up then” still has me dead.

2. “Everybody Black”

Since I’m talking about award shows, I have to mention Issa Rae’s comment on the Emmy Awards red carpet. When asked who she was rooting for at the awards she responded, “I’m rooting for everybody black.” That phrase has been my life mantra since. It’s also worth noting that Donald Glover became the first African American to win an Emmy for directing a comedy series that night.

3. Milds and Yak

milds-and-yak.jpg

Nothing says unapologetically black like Shannon Sharpe pulling out a Black & Mild on TV and referring to it as a “victory cigar”. His “milds and yak” stunt went viral and was even remixed into a song because you know black people are creative as hell.

4. “I just want my baby”

tyrese

Speaking of creative, here‘s the remix of Tyrese’s crying video. They called it the Cryese Mix 😂😂😂😂 I’m hollering

5. “U Bum”

u_bum_tweet.png There’s nothing I love more than celebrities using their fame to bring attention to social issues. I couldn’t tell the difference between sports and politics this year. Lebron cracked me up when he called Donald Trump a bum lmaoooo

6. Get Outget-outGet Out is already a classic movie in my book. It got a 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. I saw it in a packed theater and was SCREAMING at the screen. Although it is a fictional drama, the horror behind Get Out is real. I’ve never seen a movie so raw and honest. Jordan Peele said “fuck ya’ll feelings, I’m telling the truth”!

7. The Revival of R&B

RnB_2017.jpg I say 2017 brought back R&B because fire album after fire album was dropped. So many smooth, soultry artists finally got their breakout moment. We’ve had Tory Lanez and Bryson Tiller for a minute, but this new “alternative R&B”, as some call it, has a sound of its own. Even though I can’t stand to hear SZA’s “Weekend” one more time, I’m still happy she finally got the recognition she deserves this year.

8. Durags in Public

I swear silkies used to be for inside the house only. In 2017, I saw more men (and women) letting their durags fly free. I even saw a group of guys at Morehouse had a “Durag Day”. But of course, as soon as something becomes trendy, the price skyrockets. The velvet durag pictured above is $40!

9. Rihanna

Yes, Rihanna alone gets a spot on my top 10 this year. First of all, baby girl got thicccc and I love it. She dropped Fenty Beauty. She also put out another line of Fenty x Puma. Did I mention she didn’t drop a solo album or single this year, yet gave me life on “Lemon”, “Loyalty” and “Wild Thoughts”? As if she wasn’t perfect enough, she was the fourth most charitable celeb of 2017. 10. Girls, Girls, Girls

women_2017.jpg Rihanna wasn’t the only female killing it this year. 2017 was truly the year of women! There was the Women’s March, Jemele Hill, #MeToo, Girls Trip, “reclaiming my time”, Wonder Woman, Cardi B broke records, Black women pretty much saved Alabama, the list goes on. “In 2017, women made the most of a deeply flawed system. Then again, what else is new?” -Issie Lapowsky, Wired Honorable Mentions: Mans Not Hot, The Carters (their whole lives as usual NBD), and the solar eclipse.

It’s been real 2017! Check back here in 2018 for updates on the Young, Black, and Opinionated podcast that I’m planning!

Shoot Your Shot, Sis.

“I always wanted to talk to a guy, but I was never allowed to because society and my friends said no. So I said, ‘We’re going to reverse engineer this.'”

Whitney Wolfe, Founder and CEO of Bumble, tells Guy Raz her story on one of my favorite podcasts, How I Built This. She explains what inspired her to create the dating app where women must message the men first or else their match deletes in 24 hours. Bumble is a great concept because it flips gender roles on their head. But the ball being in the woman’s court isn’t limited to Bumble. In my opinion, it’s time for more women to “shoot their shot”.

I wasn’t always for women making the first move because I myself didn’t have the confidence to do so. But my fear of not getting asked to my high school senior prom pushed me to shoot my first ever shot. I asked my coworker to prom and I’m glad I did. I had an amazing time that night and got my first taste of female empowerment.

Not all the shots I take are slam dunks. I once flirted with a guy on a party boat just for him to burst my bubble by telling me he was gay. Another time, I flirted with the employee at my gym, only to find out he’s 18 (I’m 22). A few weeks ago, I had a one way conversation with a dude at a party. Turns out, he was being so icy because I had completely missed the wedding band on his finger.

Sometimes shooting your shot is a hit and sometimes it’s a miss. It can be awkward, embarrassing, or just flat out challenging to think of something to say to a guy. But as one of my male friends told me, “If you never ask, the answer will always be no.” This is how I look at shooting my shot now: What do I have to lose? The worst thing someone can tell you is “no”. I highly doubt you’re going to ever get a response of “ew no as if lmao” from a guy, unlike the brutal responses girls give men in their DM.

I feel bad for men sometimes. They are raised from an early age to be the go getter in a heterosexual relationship. Literally, go-get-her. And women, on the flip side, are trained to play hard to get. So, to be clear, society is telling men to always make the first move and telling women to do the complete opposite of that. This logic doesn’t make much sense. We’re telling two human beings to act in inverse directions of each other. No wonder we’re failing at love.

Men are pretty much set up to be rejected, and women get called snobby/boujee because they sit pretty waiting for the knight in shining armor. Why not put ourselves in control, ladies, by shooting our shot? Shooting our shot enables us to steer the conversation in the direction that we wish. When we take the reigns, it takes the pressure off the men for once. Most of them say they’re actually flattered by it.

“I think it’s definitely cool. I think it shows that the woman is brave and can make her own moves. It can show she’s a very confident person.” -Craig, 25

“Just like dudes are supposed to initiate convos, be smooth af, do and say everything right, ask the girl out, make the first move, I think it’s fair that if a girl wants to do one of those, then she can because relationships these days are changing in so many ways. So, girls are allowed to do some things out of the norm if they’re interested.” -Dan, 22

Still, even with the above proof, we have women calling favoriting all of a man’s tweets and liking 6 Instagram pictures in a row “shooting their shot”. I conducted a poll on Twitter that concluded 42% of people think women don’t shoot their shot as often as men because “they think the man should do it”. That kind of thinking is why ladies will never get the man they really want. You’re on an Applebee’s date with a lame you don’t even like, hoping your Instagram crush watches your story for a “hint”, when you could simply message him first.

At this point, women shooting their shot is so few and far in between, you might wow a guy just by being the first to hit him up. Ladies, did you know that men want to feel wanted too? Heed my advice and let the chips fall where they may. And don’t give me that “what if he’s out of my league” crap. Do you think Nola Darling or Jacqueline Broyer ever worried if a man was out of their league? There’s no such thing when you’re in a league of your own.

As usual, I’m sharing this piece of advice after observing and living it. I’m tired of seeing women act like little girls who are too scared to go after what they want. If we can shoot our shot for the careers we want, why should we be intimated by men? We have women proposing marriage and paying for dates these days! If I can get over my fear of rejection, you can too. As G.L. Lambert says on BGAE, “True confidence doesn’t come from never being challenged in life, it comes from overcoming those obstacles.” Are you up for the challenge sis?

The Art of Being Selfish

Listen to the audio version of this post!

Two years ago, I was in a relationship where I felt the need to watch my words around my then-boyfriend. I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time just to avoid a fight. If something was bothering me, I tried to hold it in to spare his feelings. First of all, that was toxic af and I didn’t even realize. Second, I understand relationships are about compromise, but my feelings, not his, should have been my top priority.


What if I told you that people who always put themselves first and only worry about their own feelings exist? You’d probably call them selfish. The word selfish has a negative connotation because it is associated with being inconsiderate. Since we were children, we were raised to be selfless instead of selfish. We’re told to play nice, be fair, be polite. I’ve come to learn that it’s very possible to be all those things and still be selfish. I’m not talking about the “my way or the highway” selfish. There is an art to putting yourself first for the sake of your happiness so you can be a better human being and offer even more to this world. To understand my point better, check this blog out.

One of my favorite quotes is “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. A part of being selfish is self-love. How can you keep giving love, attention, and affection to others when you can’t even give it to yourself? By the way, self-love is more than face masks and bubble baths. When you really love yourself, not just saying it, it bubbles up from within you and oozes through your pores and radiates out. And guess what? That self-love, that selfishness, that “I’m going to do me, for me” attitude just might inspire someone more than your faux philosophical tweets ever could.

So here is what I’ve gathered and narrowed down for you from my reading on this topic. The YBO art of being selfish is:

  1. Physical Self-care

You can’t make a difference in this world if you’re dead and that’s just facts. Exercise (even just a 30 minute walk). Take your vitamins. Don’t skip breakfast. Get a good night’s sleep. Drink water. And would it kill you to get STD tested?

2. Saying No

I have the hardest time saying no to people because I don’t like to disappoint them. But saying no sometimes is necessary. Think about the money and time you could have saved if you didn’t let your friend convince you to go out to that wack ass party that you never wanted to go to anyway.

3. Not Requiring Validation

The key to being selfish is doing the best thing for you. Not your friends. Not your followers. It takes time to shake off the brainwashing, but eventually you have to live YOUR life for YOU. You came in this world alone and you’re gonna leave alone. So what if people laugh at you or judge you? Do they wear your shoes? Do they pay your bills?

4. Unplugging

I often take random social media hiatuses and I highly suggest you do the same. It’s simply to clear your head. You can’t focus on you when you’re scrolling and watching everyone else’s life religiously. Pray, meditate, or read a book instead. I promise when you return, your notifications will be right there waiting.

5. Doing More of What You Love

Please make time for your hobbies. When you get wrapped up in society’s obligations and adulting, you lose what makes you, you. Whether it be photography, dance, cooking, drawing, do more of what makes you happy. I always say, I don’t care if 10 people or 100 people read this blog. I write as my escape.

6. Getting Help

Self-love, self-care, self-help. These names are deceiving because sometimes you can’t do it alone. If you need help, ask. I’ve seen a therapist. There is no shame in my game. Psychological health should be #1 on your to-do list! I also run all my insecurities by my mom. I visit online communities of people going through the same things as me. Being selfish doesn’t mean isolating yourself.

The art of being selfish is hard to master. We’re wired to care for other people. Not doing so almost seems immoral. But remember to care for yourself first and foremost.