It’s Not Him, It’s You.

Hello again to my avid readers and welcome to newcomers! I want to cut right to the chase and discuss what I like to call the “n*ggas ain’t shit” narrative. When things don’t work out with a guy the first thing women tend to say is, “He wasn’t shit anyway” and “There aren’t any good guys left.” I’m not going to lie, even I have said some of these things. But ladies, let’s face it – the “men ain’t shit” excuse is just that, an excuse. We’re pointing the finger at them, playing the blame game, pen pointing all they do wrong but the pen seems to be broken when it comes to us. It’s not him sis, it’s you! We’re chasing good guys away with our behavior.


Some guys really are not shit. This includes but is not limited to cheaters, liars, abusers, rapists, unmotivated bums, deadbeat dads, and dudes that want to “talk” for a year without commitment. But some of them aren’t all that bad! I know it’s hard out here on the dating scene girl, trust me. But once I got a good one and started stressing him, I had to take a look at myself and realize that I was pushing an amazing person away because of my personal issues. There’s only so much drama a man can take.

When are we going to stop with the “I’m crazy. Take it or leave it” bs and start working on ourselves? We’re big bad women right? A real woman acknowledges her flaws. Sometimes I think to myself, I wouldn’t want to date me either! I’m not telling us to change who we are, but we have to start being more accountable (and chill tf out). Note: That doesn’t mean compromise for a dude who really isn’t shit. Nevertheless, here’s what a few dudes told me turns them away from a woman they’re dating/pursuing.

Nagging

Nagging makes your partner feel inadequate, resentful, and defensive. You can pester him all you want about seeing you more often or cleaning the bathroom. If he doesn’t want to do it, it ain’t happening. Men already have mothers and bosses. They didn’t sign up for you to be another.

Pettiness

Ya’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Snapchatting yourself singing Rihanna’s “Needed Me” in hopes that he’ll watch your story and get the hint. Texting him “goodnight.” (with the period) at 4 PM because you’re mad and still expecting him to text you back. See what being petty got Blac Chyna? Being petty may have you feeling like you have the upper hand for a moment, but you’re wasting time on revenge instead of letting that hurt go.

Insecurity

This one is tough, no doubt. I struggle with insecurity just like the next chick. Not every woman can have Queen Bey confidence. Not even Queen Bey herself. But sometimes you have to send yourself heart eyes. You feel me? Our insecurity turns into requiring constant validation from our men and it is draining them. We can only lean on the “my ex cheated so I have trust issues” crutch for so long.


Notice I keep saying “you, me, I, we” because I’m guilty of all 3 of these things. The only reason I feel that I can tell other women about themselves is because someone told me about myself. That made me dig deep and think about what I’m doing wrong in my relationships instead of saying “men ain’t shit”. I’m learning, growing, and hoping my sisters of all races and ages join me. ‘Cause it’s not just Black women who act like this. But that’s a story for another blog post. If you’re a man who thinks I left a huge pet peeve off the list, comment below!