Let’s Talk About “It”

What feels better than jumping into a pool in August, can make you sweat like you just played ball for hours, and have you more in your feelings than Fantasia? For those still pretending to be virgins, I’m talking about sex. It’s about time I address the three letter word that holds more weight among my peers and I than the four letter word it’s supposedly paired with. For those with fake trust issues who just want a nut, that four letter word is love.

We were all probably told different versions of the same story at some point. “When a man loves a woman…” *skips the intimate details* “…and that’s where babies come from.” Now some of us want to scratch the love part, tune into the freaky stuff, and pray for a period this month. I want it just as much as the next person but damn, do I need to see you post “mood” with a picture of a man eating ass at 8 in the morning? They say “cash rules everything around me” but I really think sex does.


I was trolling on Twitter the other day and came across the above tweet. Naturally, I retweeted it because it resonated with me. I remember I tried to wait 6 months with my first boyfriend before having sex. He still ended up doing me wrong so it didn’t gain me his respect anyhow lol. G. L. Lambert, author of the blog “Black Girls Are Easy”, will be quick to tell you that Steve Harvey’s 90-day-rule is complete bs. I personally still think it’s a good idea to wait a few dates before giving up the punani but like the tweet says, there’s no manual to this! Whether its the first date or 3 months in, sex will always be a factor in dating. When, how, where, why – it matters to both men and women (even though we try to show “dick discipline” as Lambert calls it). So, I asked around to see where people my age stand on the topic; specifically their initial reaction to the tweet.

“I’ve dated a couple virgins and had wonderful connections. Yet after the sex they literally switched up.” – Lence

Lence gives us the typical story of sex not being a factor then it suddenly flipping everything on its head. The root of this problem is people, especially those who are new to the deed, overthink way too much post-sex. Does he still like me? Did she enjoy it? Doing this totally kills the situation before it even gets off the ground. The solution: Instead of assuming somebody feels differently after sex, feel their vibes. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

“No matter what we do, like a person could be a virgin, they could still think you’re a hoe.” -Monica

Monica’s response was to my question, “Do you think guys look at us like hoes if we give it up?” I asked this question because I feel like a lot of women out there still make choices about their sex life based on the current guy they’re with, not what they want but what they think he wants. Monica brings up the very good point that being a hoe isn’t about what you do anymore (except homie hopping, THAT is a no-no) but how you carry yourself.

“It doesn’t matter if I get it the first day or two months later. If I want you, I want you.” – Jermaine

Jermaine told me he used to think girls gave it up earlier because they were fast. Now he kind of thinks it means a girl is comfortable with him. Nevertheless, he agrees with the tweet’s point that waiting or not waiting doesn’t matter. The relationship lasts if you genuinely like the person.

“When you don’t really like someone you don’t mind it being just physical but when you really do like someone and are interested in developing some sort of relationship you want to make sure it’s more than just a physical relationship.” -Nadia

Nadia looked at the tweet from a “before” the relationship approach. Why do women give it up to men they don’t like but are stingy with guys they claim to like? There’s your answer fellas.

“Sex doesn’t save a relationship. I learned that the hard way. Best pussy almost gave me a case.” -Jo

Jo gives us the “during” a relationship perspective. Sex is part of a relationship but it sure isn’t everything. You’ve got to make sure you have a chemistry with a girl that goes deeper than her making you hard. Pussy is everywhere, a connection isn’t.

I showed 7 people – 3 women and 4 men – ages 20 to 24 that tweet. I received lengthy responses and plenty more quotes like the ones above. My friend D clapped back, “If I haven’t expressed to you that I want to be more than FWB then there shouldn’t be any confusion about where you stand in my life”. He’s a savage. Do we admire his bluntness when it comes to sex or is his response the new norm? “After [a relationship] is hard because you still have feelings for that person which makes it easy to keep f*cking them,” my friend Bec admitted. She’s telling us we can’t separate feelings and sex. Is that true?

I thought this post would bring me some clarity to how people my age feel about sex but only one thing became crystal clear: No time limit can be put on sex and sex cannot guarantee you a title. Everyone has to set their own precedents because unfortunately, there is no manual. Most did agree with the tweet, but how does it make you feel? Leave me a message in the comments below! Let’s talk about sex.