The Make Up

Hey guys! I’m back and I’m better *Bryson Tiller voice*. Hope you haven’t been waiting too long on a new post from me. Since the last time I posted I’ve vacationed in Miami, started a great internship, broke up and got back with my boyfriend, and moved into a new home. Yeah you read that one part right – I was completely done with him…so I thought. I don’t want to go into the details but my relationship has brought me to today’s topic of “making up” with your significant other. When should you give it a second chance and when should you call it quits?

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Break ups suck. A lot. You go over and over in your head about everything that happened  and think of a million “what if’s”. You might cry, or you might tell yourself “good riddance” and try to get back out there. You walk around feeling like you forgot something. Did you turn off the stove? Did you brush your teeth? It’s none of those things. Really it’s just the fact that this person you talked to every day and saw frequently is now eliminated from your life. Your routine has slightly changed because you’re no longer worried about someone else. The one person who knows everything about you is now either a stranger or fake friend. Everything weighs so heavily on you that you finally cave in and say, “Let’s just get back together.”

Slow down speedy. Let’s think about this. Why do you want to get back with your ex? So what you miss them. Sometimes I miss the bad behind dog my family had when I was in middle school. That doesn’t mean I should go get him back from the old lady we gave him to. He always jumped on my bed when he was muddy and ran away constantly. My point is, missing someone isn’t enough reason to get back with them. You have to look at the relationship as a whole. How do you know you actually miss them? You could just miss being in a relationship. Even worse, you could just miss the familiarity of that person. You got comfortable and might just miss what you already know.

With that being said, it actually made me pretty mad when people said to me, “I knew you guys would get back together.” When I asked them how, they said things like “that’s just how it goes these days.” Pause. How can someone who knows nothing about my situation assume I wasn’t serious and I would crawl back into his arms? Apparently because people my age are just going back and forth with the same person instead of healing and taking time to themselves. It has become normal to settle. That wasn’t the case for me. I thought hard about my decision, as should everyone. Don’t make up just because people liked you together or you see him on Facebook with someone new. Consider how the other person made you feel, how they treated you, the potential the relationship could have but also consider WHY it ended.

There are billions of people on this planet. Why would you get back with one that you know isn’t right for you? What would make you return to someone who was violent? How could you ask yourself if the deadbeat is your soulmate? Those all sound like settling if you ask me and the greatest people never settle for anything less than what they deserve. I don’t know about you but I want a real love, not a mediocre one where you hope the other person will change. People can only change if they want to, not if you want them to. If you’re going to get back with an ex, you both have to own up to what went wrong and what can be fixed the second time around. If it’s just you making demands and them saying sure, they’re most likely just going along with it to get you back. Then you’re thrown back into the same cycle.

What if the decision to give your relationship another shot isn’t as clear as “she put her hands on me” or “I wasn’t myself with him”. Everyone’s relationship is different, but the decision to get back together can be made easy with your answer to one question: Why? He made you laugh. So? You love her. And? As I’ve said on here before, I’m not a relationship expert by any means. However, I do know what’s right and what’s wrong from experience and observation.  My aunt and uncle have been divorced for a very long time. Now, my whole family will be going to their wedding in October. That’s a “make up” for sure! What did your ex add to your life that was irreplaceable? That thing you can’t live without. That’s the most important thing you can ask yourself. Think about it and get back to me.

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3 comments

  1. roysterc · June 15, 2016

    Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment. I think the best thing you can do on your end is give her the space she is asking for. When people feel rushed it is a turn off. If she sees that you have changed and that you’re always there for her, those are actions that she can take into consideration when deciding if she still has feelings for you or wants to get back together. Actions speak louder than words. You’ve made promises before and broke them so now only your character during this time apart will hold value. But while you are giving her space, do not wait for her. If you guys are just “best friends” as you say, you’re technically allowed to talk to other people and move on. I know you might not even want to because you love her but I’m just talking about stepping away from the situation and seeing what else is out there, nothing sexual or serious. That way you’re not wasting time on one person just to be curved later. You always have to make sure YOU are ready. Be honest with yourself. 8 months apart is a long time but has it been long enough to fix your problems? I hope my advice helps and things work out with her.

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  2. Ken Jones · June 15, 2016

    Thank you so much! I see that you truly have a gift with your thoughts. What you’ve said makes a lot of sense. Things have been progressive between me and her though. But, I will definitely take your advice into mind. Time is the best healer. Hopefully, things play out for the best. I’ll be sure to update you. Thank you again! I hope you and your boyfriend stay strong throughout y’all relationship also. Could you also leave my name anonymous? Or delete my comment above??

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  3. roysterc · June 15, 2016

    I have removed your first comment

    Like

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